I’m feeling deeply unsettled,” my client, whom I'll refer to as Andrei, the CEO of a tech company, confided in me.
“Of course,” I could have replied, “We’re living in challenging times. Especially for you, a CEO navigating through the merger with the parent company. You must be concerned about your team’s well-being and the future structure of the local subsidiary. And being in the tech industry, with its rapid changes and unpredictable market shifts, it's understandable to feel unsettled. I totally understand where you're coming from"
That response would have been the most obvious, reflecting empathy, understanding, and my expertise. Chances are we would both have felt validated by the exchange. However, it would have been a missed opportunity.
A missed opportunity because, particularly in situations like this, there's a response that holds even more power when someone shares their vulnerability. A response that precedes empathy and is crucial—CURIOSITY.
The truth is, I don’t fully comprehend what Andrei is going through. In fact, Andrei may not fully understand it either. We're navigating uncharted territory. While my assumptions might be grounded, I can't claim to know the absolute truth. So, before expressing understanding, I need to cultivate it. I must ask questions, remain open, listen attentively, and learn. This requires humility—the acknowledgment of not knowing beyond my place.
So when Andrei confided in me about feeling deeply unsettled, I probed further. I'm grateful I did.
Andrei, like many resilient leaders, is capable of steering through big turnarounds. Yet, beneath the surface of grappling with leadership and company changes, he was also grappling with his humanity. He shared feelings of fear, loneliness, and a sense of being adrift. He's wrestling with the weight of uncertainty, both in the unknown new company leadership and at a deep level, the profound unpredictability of his human existence, especially being at midlife.
Curiosity allowed us to delve into the essence of who he is, beyond his professional role. This exploration led to a transformative moment. Andrei's ultimate outcome was optimism and he discovered new approaches to support his professional role and to fully step into whatever lies ahead.
So, I invite you, in this moment, to stop everything for a beat, take a breath, and be curious…. What are you discovering?
